How To Kiss - Breaking up ?

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How To Kiss advises keeping a cool head if you have been in a relationship for some time and a break-up looms. You may see this as purely a lost-love issue, but breaking-up can also involve money, behaviour and children issues !

Breaking up from a relationship.

A break-up may be incredibly hard and involve a lot pain however it goes. It can mean losing someone important in your life, and seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear.

Is you relationship shaky ?

Good relationships are based on a couple being open and honest with eachother, especially about problems. If your partner has problems that they are not talking to you properly about, or if you have problems you are not talking about, then a break-up may be looming. If your partner's concern with sex, with money or with children has changed substantially without a sensible reason you have discussed, then that may mean a potential breakup problem. Maybe your relationship has never been fully open and honest, or maybe it has been but you have not faced up to some of your partner's problems - or they have not faced up to some of your problems ?

Can your relationship be improved ?

Relationship problems can be smaller or bigger, and can be easier or harder to fix. For smaller problems talking through them reasonably may well be enough, and for somewhat more difficult issues some kind of counselling may help. But if your relationship has a really big problem, maybe involving violence with drink or drugs, then only both partners agreeing to a total life change has any chance of working. That can mean agreeing to move town or to emigrate to ditch negative 'friends' and habits, agreeing to only socialise as a couple and not separately and agreeing generally to being more together to support each other.

If your relationship has just got a bit stale, then all that may be needed is a touch of real romance - consider romantic date or second-honeymoon ideas. The website below may give you some good romantic ideas ;

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Should you end it ?

The decision to stay in or leave a relationship is really one of the most important decisions you'll ever make. Should you try to make your relationship better or finish it ? A really big problem like violence almost certainly means that you have to break-up, but some other issues can maybe be fixed. What seems mostly wrong with the relationship for you ? You will need to decide if you should try to make your relationship better or finish it ? If children are involved it becomes especially important to really try to make the relationship work, since children under the age of 18 are always very badly affected by an unhappy home or a breakup. A breakup may need some thinking about housing, money or children issues - but if you must break-up then these can generally be dealt with.

Space for reflection ?

Some couples can manage to agree to use a trial separation honestly as a thinking-space period that may lead either to a restart or to a breakup. Separation allows a couple to each go into their different corners and think about the problems in their relationship, think about how they are feeling as individuals and think honestly about the realities of restarting or breaking up.

If you are dumped.

If you have been dumped, then first try to take it in. Do not pester your (ex)partner, get on with life and watch TV or go to the cinema. Few break-ups are followed by successful re-starts, and if your (ex)partner wants to try a restart then they will contact you. Or if you really want a restart then you can try some careful considered contact to let them know you care, but if you have been dumped after a long relationship then your best bet by far is to accept it however painful it may be.

After a few days you should start to get more realistic. Think about the things you did not like about your (ex)partner, and not just what you did like. Buy some nice new clothes, and start going out to nice places. Remember your good qualities, and that there are plenty of good fish in the sea. You have plenty of time so you can then also look forward - plan a nice holiday or a new career move maybe ? A new love will come later.

You may also want to see our Get Back Together section, and if your relationship is more recent than 2 years then see our Breakup section at the the bottom of our Commitment section.

Or if you have a bit of a money issue then it may be helpful for to consider Debt Consolidation?

Getting back together can mean a new good life !

If you must break-up then do break-up, trying to stay close friends with an ex does not work. Move on with your life, and remember that they are plenty of fish in the sea, and when you feel ready try a professional online dating agency. There are many general and specialised dating websites, and here are two specialised sites that may be of interest ;

(to keep our recommendations good and updated, if you deal with them we welcome your comments - email How To Kiss.)

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