How To Kiss advises going carefully if you have been dating for some time and are thinking about commitment. You may see this as just a love issue, or you may see it as also a children and housing and earnings issue !
Dating may begin with a number of reasons perhaps in mind and can go fine for some time without any real commitment by either partner. But one or both may at some time want the relationship to become permanent - for love or other reasons.
The problem then will often be that even with the best suited couple, one will be ready to commit earlier and the other will need some more time or may not want to commit.
Some may be ready for a full commitment after only 2 weeks dating, but some may need 2 years dating to be ready to commit. There is no one right time, and 2 weeks may be enough for some - especially for those past their mid-20s. But 2 years may be needed by others, especially if they are young or if they have had previous relationship problems. If one is ready to commit earlier, then they may need to show some patience and give their partner some more time.
For some the commitment question is a simple issue of love only, if you love then you commit. In that case showing love by being romantic at times may be all that is needed to get them to commit. But some can see it differently, as not just the question of love but perhaps as also about children and housing and earnings. Some may worry about am I ready for children now, can we get OK housing now and are our earnings enough now. Some will see this as the more mature
consideration of commitment, and the 'only love matters' view of commitment as being less mature.
In general people who tend to taking risks more will mostly go with 'only love matters', and more careful people will tend to consider the other issues also. So often someone who is more of a risk taker may tend to committing earlier.
It can easily be that one or even both dating partners have general doubts about commitment that they cannot really explain. General doubts will include stuff like 'I'm not sure I'm ready'. You can just be a doubter - do you even doubt your doctor ? If your doubts are just general doubts and you are just generally a doubter, then do not let that stop you from making a commitment or you may well lose a lot when you could instead gain a lot. Even a doubter can have a long happy relationship.
If you have been dating someone a while then at some point it may come to a break-up problem. It may or may not happen, it may or may not be a big problem and it may or may not get fixed.
Breaking-up is a big problem if one or both dating partners feels committed to the relationship - even if this commitment has not been discussed. Then the break-up question should be discussed to see if the problem is maybe ;
1. A love-committed partner anxious that the other partner is not yet love-committed ?
2. A not yet love-committed partner anxious that the other partner is too soon love-committed ?
3. A couple in love, with one or both partners anxious about children, housing or earnings ?
4. A couple in love, with one or both partners having general further-commitment worry ?
These type of issue can often be solved by discussion, with ideas like 'I will give you some more time', 'can you give me some more time', 'we can deal with those worries later', or 'general worries do not matter'.
If your dating partner is really worried about committing then maybe you could agree to no long-term commitment. Maybe you could both be OK to agree to commit to only the next 6 months, then you will split unless you both want to commit to another 6 months - and you can both see how it goes for you ?
OR if you can't agree on that, then you could maybe agree a 1-month-trial-separation and fix a next date for 1 months time - write down the time and place for that date. Do not pester your partner in a separation period, but know that breakups in shorter relationships can often be setbacks that can come right with some care.
It may also be useful to discuss the problem with your mum or dad. And if you have been dating for a year or so, then maybe you could both consult a relationship councillor ?
If you have been dating for more than 2 years and cannot get your partner to make a long-term commitment, then you should take it that they never will make a long-term commitment - and you will just have to decide if you can go with that or not. If your relationship has already lasted longer than 2 years then see our Breaking Up section.
How To Kiss advice is for boy, girl, man, woman, single, divorced, separated, widowed, single parent, teen or older.