How To Kiss advises really thinking if you are thinking about trying to get back together with your ex-partner, ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Though most breakups may be permanent and right for both partners, some are a mistake. In some cases getting back together is right and can be very successful. But often it is a very bad idea !
After a relationship break-up you may well feel that you should try reconciling and make up and get back together, and your ex-partner may feel the same or may not. And one or both of you may be right or may be wrong on that. It may not be an easy decision to get right, so you may both need to really think about it. Below is what needs thinking about.
We all tend to want things we cannot have or have lost, so if you were dumped your want to get back together idea may be just wanting it because of the loss or because you can't have them. You will need to get clear on exactly what you want from a relationship, and if you can really get it in this relationship.
Can your ex-partner help and encourage you, more than make you depend on them ? And does your ex have more good qualities than bad qualities. If you can't really confidently say yes then it's a good indication that you should not try to get back together with your ex. It's also likely that your reasons for wanting to get back together with them are negative.
Do the problems that caused the breakup have a solution that you and you ex can actually handle so you can both really make the relationship work ? If the problems included violence then that is almost impossible to fix, but other problems may just need some real effort by you and/or your ex. And if problems were really small then they can maybe be just accepted.
We all incline to want things we cannot have or have lost, so if you dumped your ex then them wanting to get back together may be just wanting it because of the loss or because they can't have you.
But your ex may want to get back with you for some better reason. So you will have to judge with maybe little clear evidence if truly does he or she want to get back together. If they do want to get back with you, then you will need to decide if they have a reason that will satisfy your main relationship needs - and if you can really satisfy their main relationship needs.
Good relationships are based on a couple being open and honest with eachother, especially about problems, and if your relationship was never fully open and honest then some real discussion will be needed. Both of you will need to face up to the breakup problems especially.
The decision to renew a relationship is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make. If you have decided to try to get back with your ex, then you can do it if you proceed carefully as below. But do not rush and expect to spend some time wondering will we get back together ever.
1. First believe that you can get back together successfully and that it can be good. Almost everyone responds well to confidence and persistence, so hide any insecurity or doubts. But do not be over-pushy, try to be a little laid-back or take-it-or-leave-it mostly.
2. Contact them maybe once a month to ask how they are doing. Then maybe increase to a phone call once every couple of weeks. And when they returns calls, do not always get back to them the same day. The next day sometimes is a good thing.
3. Let them know that you care for them. Show some tenderness and caring, which they may be getting little of even if they are dating now. Do not come on too strong, but you can send one romantic card to let them know that you can be there again like that.
4. Show you can be sexy in a surprising kind of way. Wear a new outfit that shows off your best assets. Try looking more classy rather than trashy, and try to smell good.
5. Try to show them that they really need you. Point out the ways that they were happier or better off when you were together. But avoid pleading, go more with showing your worth.
DO go easily, because panic will not help and harassment will not work !
PS. You may also want to see our Breakup, True Love ? and Commitment sections.
But if finally reconciliation can't work, remember that they are plenty of fish in the sea, and when you feel ready you could try
a professional online dating agency. There are many general and specialised dating websites, some being free though most do have fees.
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